haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
