party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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