Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
