What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
did i just pee glitter
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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