we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
