Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
a search helicopter?!
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
