I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
