how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dating After Heartbreak
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time