So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.