i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.