Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
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He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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