I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
