So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry