but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.