I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone