Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
