The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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