hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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