God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She bit a glass in half.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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