nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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