After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
