Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
