it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
