look no pants
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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