My hand turned me down
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
