We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
