Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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