I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
