who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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