Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I didn't shave. On purpose
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
