I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
