she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
