You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
