well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
