Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
