I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
