Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
