Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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