I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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