...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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