Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
