You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
