Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
