8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
