She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
