u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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