i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
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Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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