last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
