What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My ATM looks so different sober.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
