Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
