Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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