oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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