He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
