so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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