i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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