I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
