ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
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My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize