how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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