i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
