She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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