He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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