I saw his package. It spoke to me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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