Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
