She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
