So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
40s are totally the cure
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
