we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
