My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
