just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
