nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
