I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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