I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
