wrigley field is MILF paradise
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
