Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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