Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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